Don't Let it Get to You
by insipidblackness
Summary: Hav Potter has nothing left. This is not a statement, this is a fact. With a broken spirit she's tried desperately to forge back together, Hav tries to find the last of her family - and simultaneously to be conscious of the power inherent in being the Master of Death.
1. Chapter 1

_Waste not, want not. And all that._

Swinging open the door, Tony Stark flashed a brilliant smile at the closest reporter, dazzling everyone around him as he took measured steps towards the front of the room.

"Mr. Stark, a rival industry has recently released a -" "Mr. Stark, how do you feel about the recen-""Herr Stark, how is the political stance of Mr.-"

Tony ignored them, a brilliant smile plastered to his face as he continued to walk to the front of the room, the wooden podium looking ever the more inviting as reporters gathered closer to clamor for his attention.

Spinning around at the front of the room, he spread his arms wide, his smile sparkling as he gave an arrogant half-bow.

"Ladies, ladies, please-" he grinned at all the reporters who were in the process of climbing over each other to get their microphone closer to his face, "you're all gorgeous. If I could, I'd answer all your questions, but as it is- the rival company is terrible, the election is terrible, no, I am not sponsoring Global Generator, yes, I am sponsoring Global Triton, no, they are not similar, no, I am not supporting Glenn Markow, and no, Jeff Perry's campaign interests me just as much as the old noodles in the back of my fridge."

The clamor died down for a moment, and Tony clapped his hands together loudly.

"Well, let's begin, then. As you all know, today is the day that Stark Industries will release our newest weapon, the Jericho. This has been in the works for - well, for quite a long time, longer than I'm actually willing to let slip in a public meeting." He grinned widely, basking in the light chuckles that echoed around the room.

"It will hit the so called 'market' next year, but even as I speak, the Jericho is being shipped en masse to hundreds of countries housing our brave, brave troops, who have pleaded with their government for years to have a way to defend themselves. A good way. Not, gods forbid, Hammertech." He laughed with the reporters, then let a polite mask slip over his face, and for a few seconds the scratch of pens was the only noise in the room.

"Mr. Stark, how do you think the Jericho will affect the current value of Stark Stock?"

Tony grinned at the young reporter. "It'll go up, of course. When does my stock do anything else?"

Laughter echoed through the room, some shaking their heads fondly.

"Well, if you'll look at that, these glorious seven minutes are up, and I'll sadly have to depart now. I'll doubtless see you fabulous people later." He stepped down from the front of the room, smiling madly. "Happy New Year with Stark Industries!"

There was a loud applause, which lasted until Tony had closed the door forcefully behind himself and his bodyguard.

"Dear god. When does it ever stop?" Tony laughed and shook his head. "Call Pepper and tell her I'll be a few hours late. I have to go take care of a few things before I get around to...what was it I was supposed to do? You don't know? Well lucky me, neither do I - best just ignore it, then. Until, at least, Pepper calls and starts yelling indignantly." Laughing brightly, Tony started walking down the deserted hallway to the exit doors.

* * *

"One, two, one, two, one-"

There was a sound of several impacts, then a slight swoosh of air.

"Three, four, three, three four-"

Again, impacts rang through the room, and the sounds of bare feet on a mat.

"That was perfect, again! Please try and remember to kick with more frequency. You're doing fine, but adding more wouldn't be bad."

There were two figures in the room. The male was tall, dark, and wearing loose, pale clothing, and the female was pale, slight, and small, with elfish features and black hair.

"You're only going so hard on me today because you know-" the woman ducked and deflected, before aiming to kick, "that I won't be coming back after today. I'll-" an impact landed, and the female smiled victoriously, "miss you too, you know."

The male's hands dropped to his side, and his face suddenly looked quite tired.

"It's ridiculous of me, I know. But still. You have so much talent. And I enjoy teaching you."

"Hush, it's not ridiculous at all." The woman took off her gloves, throwing them against the wall, and shook out her hands before starting to stretch. "It really isn't. I didn't expect to enjoy this as much as I have. It's been a pleasure learning from you, sir."

The man gave her a half smile.

"Don't get into too much trouble, Hav."

"Ah, pfft. Trouble attracts itself to me, and you know it. It isn't my fault!" She laughed, then sat down by her bag, stuffing her gloves in it.

"Goodbye, Hav. May your travels go well."

"Thank you, sir."

There was a moment's silence, before the man left the room. Hav looked after him, and then went to the other door, which led directly outside. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she swung the door open with one hand and stepped out neatly, in the same movement pivoting on her heel.

There was a crack, and she disappeared.

* * *

"These runes are dreadfully complex, you know. Are you sure you even know what the section here means?" asked Hermione, looking down at the book on the table.

"No idea, really, but if my luck holds out - which it should, it has so far- it'll do what the other book said it would. The other book's over... there..." Hav gestured vaguely to a large pile of books in one corner, before returning to her task on the floor. She had a large slab of chalk in her hands, and she was carefully drawing out the runes that were displayed on the piece of paper next to her. Finishing one, she set down the piece of chalk, brushed her hands on her shirt, and stood up.

"Here, I'll get it for you. You look awfully skeptical."

"You can't blame me, really..." replied Hermione lightly, her eyebrows raised.

"I suppose I can't. And I can't stop you, either." Hermione grinned, her feet skimming the floor lightly as she walked over to where Hav was opening books, shutting them, and discarding them, and then moving onto the next. "You've always done whatever you think you should, no matter what the consequences could be."

Hav was silent for a moment, and the only sound in the room was the rustling of paper as she flipped through books and discarded them. "I - I suppose I have strong views on what should and what should not be done..." she paused, running her finger down a page. "Here it is." She walked back over to the table, avoiding Hermione's gaze. Hermione followed, silent.

"Well, I only have about three runes left for this inner rune circle, and then - well, then I'll be ready to go." Hav said lightly, a half smile plastered on her face. "I...I." Her eyebrows knit together, and she knelt down again, picking up her chalk, and started to sketch out a design in the circle.

She could feel, more than see, Hermione behind her, her eyes piercing through the shirt on her back.

"You know that there's nothing left for me here, Hermione." Hav said finally, finishing the rune and moving over to start the next. "You know that, better than anyone." Running her hand through her hair, leaving a white residue in the midst of its darkness, she sighed. "I won't seek you out again, if that's what you're worried about. I know that... this... is unhealthy. I do. I just, well, needed some company, you know? Some strength. I don't know if I have that sort of strength anymore..." she trailed off, pursing her lips tightly.

"I know, Hav. I'll quite miss you. But at least it won't be the last we see of each other, you know?" Hermione smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Shall I go now, then?"

"No." said Hav, very quickly. "Sorry. No. I - stay with me?"

"Of course. Are you bringing the Resurrection Stone?" Hermione glanced at the table, where the stone sat, glowing a light white.

"I shouldn't." There was a sigh. "But yes, I am. And if the portal works, it'll be useless, anyways."

"I suppose that's right." Hermione acceded, but she didn't look entirely convinced. "The objects have a lot of power. And since I suppose that means you'll be bringing all of them, they'll be all the more powerful together."

"I'm not leaving my dad's cloak behind, Hermione. And the Elder Wand is _my wand._ I'm not going to leave it behind."

Hermione looked unhappy. "I thought you said that magic didn't exist there, though."

"I don't think it does. That hasn't changed. But the runes are... well, I don't know how to explain it to you, seeing as you can' t see the strands of magic that make it up, but the runes are sort of... twisting. If the alternate universe didn't have magic, I would think they would just be still. But if it had magic, it would be..well, woven?" Hav let out a frustrated breath. "It's impossible to be only 'partly magically supporting' so I really don't know. It's a gamble, but it could be... it could be really good. And I could find him again."

"...If you don't find Sirius, Hav, what will you do?"

"Well I can't do much if that's the case, can I?" Hav said coldly, but her face was pained. "I really hope he's there. I don't want to be alone any more."

Hermione looked saddened. "I know."

The woman stood up, throwing her chalk to the side, and then pulled out a wand carved to look like elderberries on a strand. She took a deep breath, and pulled her bag, slung earlier against the wall, to her shoulders. She then walked over to the table, grabbing the glowing stone and putting it in the front pocket of the bag.

Hav returned to the middle of the runes, and hissed a spell over them. They seemed to glow, before settling.

"Seeya then, Hermione." she laughed sadly, her eyes stinging violently. Hermione was silent for a second. "See you." she finally replied, and she gave Hav a timid smile.

"Ó lámha fann den sórt sin anois an seal le réaltacht eile a ghlacadh agus mé den sórt sin croílár cloiche thuilleadh mian leo cónaí ina n-aonar."

Right before the light flashed (too brightly,) Hav twisted the stone violently in her hands. Hermione's ghostly image disappeared, and seconds later, there was a deafening crack, before Hav disappeared as well.

 **a/n: welcome welcome, drop a review if you'd like, pm me if you'd like, etc.**


	2. Chapter 2

There was a crunch, much like the sound of something being slammed against concrete.

A slam of metal, and a figure staggered to its feet, and a curse echoed through the dark shadows of the night in which it had landed.

Hav flung a broken piece of metal at the brick wall across from her, taking in the dirty alleyway in which she had fallen, and picked up her wand from where it sat innocuously on the pavement. She could feel herself shivering, but her hair was singed, and her shirt had burn marks all along it.. Somehow, the jeans that she had bought a couple of years ago at a Harrod's sale had torn wide open at the knee, revealing a nasty looking burn. Hav cursed again, then pointed her wand at the wound with shaking fingers.

 _Oh Merlin, let this work._ she prayed silently, something tight lodged in her throat as she cast her spell.

The wound knit itself back together neatly and efficiently, and Hav let out a reedy laugh, her throat sore and dry. "Oh god, it works, oh merlin-" she laughed again, then straightened back up, a sob wrenching its way out of her throat. "It worked, oh Merlin- I- Merlin-"

With shaking fingers, Hav opened her side bag, digging through the assorted mess within until she found a small notebook. Paging it open with shaking fingers, she found a dogtagged page and ran her finger down it, pausing near the bottom, before all the tension seemed to drain from her body.

"Oh, oh my Merlin." A trembling smile overtook her face, and she ran a hand through her burnt and uneven hair, wiping hastily at her dusty and dirty face.

Taking a deep breath, she shoved the notebook back into her bag, straightened up, and looked about herself. She had landed in a small, dark alley, tall buildings on either side of her. It was quite dark in the alleyway, but she could see the bright city night lights around the corner, glowing an electric yellow onto the pavement beneath. It seemed to be late at night, and Hav could feel the cool city air against her cheeks. With a sudden jolt, she reached once more for her wand, strapped into its customary holster, and cast a quiet spell.

" _Loco."_

A bright light spilled from her wand, spelling out words and words and words to form a misty, glowing, and all-together unsatisfactory location.

 **New York**

Her breath left her for a moment, and she stared at the words, before slashing through them quickly, watching as they seemed to turn to smoke underneath her fingertips before dissolving into the air.

She walked steadily to the end of the alleyway, turning the corner and surveying her surroundings.

She hadn't landed in London, that was for sure. Tall, glinting buildings towered around her, while flashing neon signs cut through the skyline. Heavy street lights, the sound of chatter and trains, the smell of gasoline and cigarette smoke, mixed with the cool night air- it all made the city seem alive. Headlights would occasionally round the corner, and Hav felt suddenly overwhelmed with some sort of great, deep, gratitude, which had her leaning against the side of a building with a quiet sigh.

"Who're you, then?"

Hav spun around, her hand immediately going to her bag, which still hung at her side, a reassuring and heavy weight.

A young girl stood there, half cast in shadow, a wry smirk twisting one side of her face up. She had long, long, dark hair, hair that fell to her feet and seemed to melt into the shadows that cloaked her.

"I'm Hav." Hav said lightly, warily assessing the girl with a quick glance. She had dark, dark eyes, skin lighter than the clouds, and was wearing a very elaborate dress, fastened around her in an odd way.

"I'm Hel." Said the girl, after a moment's pause, stepping forwards towards Hav. Hav's eyes widened as she saw the other side of the girl's face- instead of having the ethereal beauty of one side of her face, this side was a mere skeleton, covered only by the dress. Her hair seemed to somehow have been swept up elegantly around her skull, but it did not hide the fact that this girl was partly bare skeleton. She had two eyes, but one was white, whilst the other one was a dark, dark brown.

"I did not think that such objects could exist- nor that a human such as you could wield them, but I would be a fool to ignore the fact that your power appeared suddenly and called mine."

Eyes scanned hers, then looked upwards. "You have much, much power. The command of Death, once given, is not something easily mastered. Just because you have a title does not mean that you know how to use the responsibility that comes along with it."

"How – how do you know that I'm called that?" Hav said, her eyes mistrustful, jaw tight. "The Master of Death. How did you know?"

There was a moment's pause, in which Hav shifted uncomfortably.

"I have, of course, been made aware of the trillions of alternate universes. They are not something I thought I would come into contact with – but nevertheless, it appears that another universe's incarnation of myself has given you something very powerful." the girl paused. "Too powerful, I would think, for a mortal to hold. We will see how you fare." She stepped forwards, her gown making an echoing rustle sound, like the sound of thousands of crows taking off at once.

"You're Death." Hav realized suddenly, stating the obvious with an apathetic tone.

The girl gave a wide grin, eery and haunted. "Indeed." she whispered. "I am Death. I surpass all realms, and have a grasp everywhere. I take different forms in different universes, but," she waved her hands airily, then suddenly dropped them to her sides.

The grin dropped off of her face, and her dark eyes became sinister and malevolent. "Do not presume to control me at any point. Many have tried, and failed, to know all the aspects of my character in the past. Do not be one of them." She stepped back, her face again becoming cast into the shadows. "I must leave, but I will return tomorrow. Things have changed, and will continue to change." Her eyes sharpened.

"I don't- I don't want this power." said Hav, sighing. "I just - I don't - I won't control you. That much - that much I can promise. I've only ever wanted to be normal, but I suppose that didn't end out the way I was wanting, did it?" she laughed, the sound high and dry.

Hel's eyes softened considerably. "You didn't seek this power out?"

"No." said Hav, her voice breaking. "No, never."

Hel stared at her again, her expression unreadable. Then, "I think, perhaps, I could learn to trust you."

Something seemed to settle in the air between them, a sort of agreement, some sort of pact, something that Hav didn't ever want to break.

When she focused on the girl again, Hel had melted into the shadows, the ghost of her piercing stare still seeming to watch Hav as she turned around and stepped into the dark, cool street.

"What am I doing..." she breathed as she turned another corner, breathing in the city smog and listening to the muffled car radios as they sped past her. "And where's Sir-" she stopped, running a hand through her hair. She lowered it slowly, then drew her wand.

" _Lumos."_

A brilliant light illuminated its tip, a bright white light in the midst of the yellowish street lamps.

" _Nox."_

Something about the simple spells reassured her, and hardened her resolve. She could - she _would_ do this.

Hav continued walking for a moment, before abruptly turning on her heel. There was a loud crack, and she disappeared.

* * *

"You're the oddest girl I've met all morning."

Hav rolled her eyes, walking past the martial arts reception desk with her bag slung over her shoulder. A night of good rest on one of the higher floors of a hotel had done her good, as had the hot shower and breakfast early that morning. Her body hadn't let her sleep past five - usual, but still irritating - and so here she was, having searched out all of New York for a good martial arts program that would allow her to utilize their training mats easily and with frequency.

She walked into an empty room after taking off her shoes at the door, dropping her bag near the wall and starting to stretch immediately.

Pulling out her gloves from her bag, she slid them on, fastening the velcro with practiced ease, and curling her hands into fists inside of them, heading over to the corner of the room, where a tall, broad, and worn down punching bag hung from the ceiling on a thick chain.

What followed was a routine she had done hundreds of times.

 _One. One. One. Onetwo. One. One. Onetwo. Onetwo. Five. Five. FourFour three. One. One. One. Onetwo. One. One. Onetwo. Onetwo. Five. Five. FourFour three._

 ** _"You're not_** **weak.** ** _People will automatically underestimate you - you're tiny, really, you are - and you're a woman. Don't give me that face. No, no - move your feet! CONSTANT MOVEMENT. Streamline - ah- there you go. You - come on, Hav, move your feet, you aren't an elephant-"_**

 ** _"Back to your face, move your hands back to your face- see, if you don't, I can go like-" "Holy crap, woman, that was a very good deflective maneuver! You've definitely got some instinctive fighting tactics ingrained into ya-"_**

 ** _"Add some kicks in there too. I particularly favor the- ow- yes, that kick. You can add any kick, so long as you don't aim too high, especially if your kick is slower. If you kick too slowly, and too high, there's a chance that your assailant will just grab your legs."_**

Hav smashed a final leg into the bag, letting her shin feel the sting of the plastic, before peeling off her gloves and tossing them towards her bag. Her shoulders shook suddenly, and she buried her face in her wrapped hands.

 _What am I doing._

Straightening up, she headed to the wall, picked up her bag and her gloves, and spun on her heel. A deafening _crack_ echoed through the room, before she disappeared.

* * *

"Yeah, look, the energy readings are _completely_ wonky - look what it's picking up. See." grumbled Tony, shoving the folder over to Obadiah, who rolled his eyes.

"Why are you even keeping track of energy readings in New York, Tony?" asked Obadiah after a moment of looking at the graphs.

"Pet project. I wanted to see- well, let's keep it at pet project."

Stane rolled his eyes again, pushing the file back towards Tony. "Probably just some teenager microwaving their cell phone to see if it'll charge, Tony. Don't think too much about it." He stood up. "Well, I've got to retire for the night- we'll keep on going over Jericho tomorrow, alright?" He patted Tony on the shoulder and moved towards the door, tossing a quick "Bye." over his shoulder as he left the room.

Tony watched his back for a moment, then sighed, slumping back into the chair he was sitting on. "JARVIS, dim the lights."

* * *

Hav settled down onto the concrete floor of the deserted parking garage, pulling her chalk closer to her and flipping open her notebook.

"What are you doing?"

Hav spun around, jumped up, and was in a defensive stance with her wand drawn out in less than three seconds. There stood Hela, her long hair tied in an elaborate braid that swooped over head and then fell over her skeletal shoulder. Her dress was elaborate as well, a bright white with grey lilies embroidered into the skirt. Hav sighed, lowering her wand and gesturing for Hela to come closer. The girl looked different in the light of day - Hav could see that her skin, before mistaken as pale, was actually a light blue, and her dark brown eyes seemed to be shot through with reddish hues, like sparkling red rubies.

"I'm - er, I'm trying to locate someone. He's- well, he's the reason I came to this universe, see. His magical Trace- um, sort of a residue that you leave when you use magic- directed me to this universe. Vaguely. I'm pretty sure this is the correct one, anyways." Hav muttered.

"What's his name? Why are you looking for him?" asked Hela, approaching Hav.

"Sirius. Sirius Black. He was -is, hopefully..." she stopped for a moment, then narrowed her eyes and continued. "My godfather. Some...circumstances... threw him into an alternate universe. I never thought I'd be able to leave my universe, but there was nothing left for me there." She shrugged, hiding her face as she knelt down to start scrawling out her rune.

"Ah. That's why..." Hela gestured at the notebook and chalk. "You're making a rune? Why one of Odin's creations?"

"Er. What?" said Hav distractedly, eyes sparkling with laughter as she looked up at Hela. "A hodination?"

"Runes. Odin's creations. Odin gifted the realms the gift of runes. Symbols that he imbues with power. Are you working with him to find your godfather?" Hela's tone was not amused. Instead, it was icy, cold, and angry.

Hav searched Hela's gaze for a long moment, eyes shifting into light concern. "Who's Odin?"

Hela's single eyebrow lifted. "You - what sort of universe did you come from, to not hear of Odin? Odin Allfather. He controls all of the realms, a..." she halted, inhaling sharply- " _wise_ overseer and king."

"You don't sound awfully fond of Odin, that's for sure." remarked Hav, looking at her strangely.

"I'm not. Fond of him." admitted Hela stiffly.

"Er... well, if you want to tell me why, go ahead, else I'll just keep on..." Hav gestured towards the half finished rune.

"I do not particularly wish to explain, no. But I would advise that you do _not_ use that rune to find your godfather - Odin oversees all of the runes that are activated, and if you activate that rune, I can promise you that he will be interested in what you are doing."

Hav looked considerate for a moment. "Why is his interest something I'd be better off avoiding, in your opinion?" she responded.

Hela stared at her, something Hav had quickly grown accustomed to. "Odin..." she offered finally, "Odin enjoys doing what he thinks is right, and very few, if any, have the power to stop him do something that he has in mind. He can be wise- do not think I think him dull - but his decisions are not always the best."

Hav rubbed through the half finished rune. "That's a good enough reason for me, I suppose. I'm not going to risk Sirius." Her eyes flashed, and she looked momentarily as if something pained her greatly. "Though - and I mean you no offence when I say this, Hela - I can and _will_ use the rune, should no other options become available to me. At the end of the day, finding the only person - finding the only person who means anything to me- or even knows me- is more important than what some self-important face in the sky thinks he has the power to do."

Hela's face softened considerably, and she nodded. "I completely understand. However, you will not have to resort to using the rune - I have another way, that I believe will work. We will just have to be -" her eyes sparkled- "very, very cautious. Where we will go to find the spell that you need -" here she seemed to be filled with some sort of bright, hidden joy, "I am not really allowed to go there."

She suddenly looked very serious. "Perhaps when we go to find the last person that matters to your heart, I will find strength to at least look for the one person who matters still to mine."

 **a/n: you will need to know about the children of loki to not be confused here.**

 **Drop me a review, pm, etc., if it strikes your fancy – would be much appreciated.** **J**


	3. Chapter 3

Hela seemed to _be_ the shadow. It lived around her, her own body become amorphous blackness to mirror the shadows around her.

As the shadows reached out towards Hav, she let her eyes flutter shut, the darkness on the inside of her lids indistinguishable from the darkness when she opened them.

"This will be odd. I'm bypassing Heimdall, and shielding us from his gaze- he guards who comes in and out of...where I'm going...and I'm not sure how successful this attempt to bypass him will be. Father could always pull it off, but I've never tried. Mostly because the stakes are so high." came Hela's voice, bitter but determined.

There was a sudden jolt of - something- and Hav felt as if her whole body were being stretched out over all of time, all of space, and all of the universe. She couldn't see anything, but she could _feel_ the pulsing of galaxies, the burning of stars, and the singing of the universe as it expanded infinitely.

Then, the sensation passed, and she was tumbling onto warm grass and hard rocks, rolling for only a few seconds before she was able to reassert herself and spring to her feet. Immediately, she felt vaguely ill, but the sensation passed quickly, and she was left breathing heavily, her wand in hand.

"Put that away." Hela said softly, coming up behind her, and resting her skelatal hand on Hav's lower arm gently. "You won't be needing it here."

Hav narrowed her eyes. "Why not? If there's a restriction on your being here-"

Hela snapped her fingers, and a green flash appeared between them, growing and sparking. "Magic - or, as it is called in this universe, seidr- does not need a conduit in Asgard. Or Jotunheim. Given, many may use them, but it is an obvious approach. Just - feel the intent as you form your magic."

Hav stared at her hand for a moment, before sliding the wand away.

" _Lumos._ " she muttered, and her fingers sparked, orbs of light surrounding them like miniature suns. "Oh my sweet Merlin. Wandless magic was impossible, in my old universe- how is it possible here?" she asked, her eyes focusing on the lights before she muttered, " _Nox._ "

"It's the natural... it's Asgard's natural seidr. See the city on the hill, over there? Does it not seem to glow? Indeed, that is with its own magic, keeping it functioning and sparkling, day in and day out. Asgard harnesses their natural seidr, and use it for many things. Seidr is said to be the 'craft of women-' but 'tis not true. Only the strong wield seidr, and it chooses carefully, to whom it gifts itself." Hela paused. "Seidr is so rare, that being able to harness your own seidr, or having your own seidr at all, makes you somewhat of an outcast." she shook her head disparagingly. "Anyways. Dwelling in a city with so much natural seidr allows you to harness and manipulate your own without a conduit. And the longer you stay in Asgard, the more you can control your seidr without a conduit outside of Asgard. Jotunheim is the same way - all of the realms save Midgard are this way as well, but to a lesser extent."

After a moment of silence, Hela continued. "We are headed to the city. You will...not be received well, if you are wearing such simple garb. And I will need to look different, or one of Odin's crows will doubtless see me and report me." Her tone was indifferent, but her eyes were fiery.

"Erm. What sort of stuff do...Asgardians wear?" Hav said, looking at Hela's dress with greater interest, and following the odd folds and swoops of the gown with baffled eyes.

Hela laughed, and it was a scratchy, but strangely bell-like sound. "I will help you. Do not fear." With amused eyes, she stepped slightly closer to Hav, and with a twitch of her fingers, silvery snakes of light started to circle Hav's ankles. They slowly travelled up her body, sprawling out over the grass around her, and cutting off near her shoulders. They faded just as quickly, and Hav was left in a dark green dress, quite soft to the touch, that was ridiculously intricate in its swoops and curves.

Hav looked down at the dress, feeling oddly pretty and not at all like herself. Lifting the dress, she kicked off the ornate shoes, watching the fabric slide back into place around her calves and onto the grass.

"You're planning on going barefoot into the palace, then?" asked Hela drily, starting the trudge towards the city with a resolute step.

Hav followed, faltering for only a moment before a bare smile slid onto her mouth. "The palace? No one told me we were going to the palace."

"You didn't ask."

"Well, fine. I'm asking now. Why are we going to the palace? What's there that will help you?"

"I...someone whom I know, quite closely. Along with the royal library." She changed the subject quickly, clearly not wishing to elaborate on the topic. "Are you sure you aren't going to get some shoes?"

Hav accepted the answer for what it was, and then grinned halfheartedly. "What's the fun of having rules if you can't break them?" She rolled her eyes, and then looked back at Hela, a truly menacing glint in her eyes. "I am going to run all the way up this hill and straight into the golden city of Asgard."

Hela's eyes followed Hav in slight disbelief as Hav took off, her skirts grasped tightly in her hands and lifted above her knees.

"I shall not be close behind you in your wake!"she sighed after Hav, but the woman was already too far away to have heard her - and if she had her, she was ignoring her. A small smile graced Hela's face, watching the green of Hav's dresss disappear into the glowing green of the grass around her.

* * *

By the time they had made it up the hill, Hav was chuckling loudly, eyes daring as she took in the still pristine state of her companion. "I am glad you made it." Her tone was laughing but sincere, and Hela smiled back at her. "Come now, sváss liflátinn." she acknowledged, and then pulled herself together, surveying the path into the main yard of the city. "Let us continue, then."

"Sváss Liflátinn?" commented Hav as they made their way onto a side road that led to the door of the palace.

"Loosely, it means that you are the heart of death." explained Hela, smiling her way. "Names are important in these realms. I am Death, the Goddess of Death- my father before me is the Trickster, the Master of Lies, the Wordsmith, Silvertongue- one never names themselves. You are woven into the strands of time around me, and as such, I have given you a name for yourself."

Hav felt honestly touched, and she smiled, her eyes genuine. "You mean that."

"Of course I do, Lifling. Now, come on, we must go up to the palace. I have no doubt that we will be able to cause chaos there - but we shall try to avoid it, at least at first."

"My Gryffindor must be rubbing off on you." Hav said unrepentantly, watching the amused confusion spark in Hela's eyes. "So...tell me about the realms. I'm still coming to terms with, you know- all this... I'm not completely sure what I'm doing." She paused. "At all."

Hela rolled her eyes slightly. "There are nine realms - each of them houses a different 'sort.' The ones you will hear most commonly referenced while we are here are Asgard - the home of the gods, and Jotunheim, the home of the frost giants."

Hav hummed. "Ah. Alright. You are Death, correct? Do you have a realm? Or is that different?"

"I'm Death, yes, if you want to put it crassly." sniffed Hela. "I rule Helheim - or, as the Midgardians put it, 'Hell.' 'Tis not a pleasant place, but I do my duty."

Hav nodded, again accepting the answer easily. "Alright. Who is this friend of yours, then?"

Hela stiffened. "He- I - we're here, look."

And indeed, they were - the palace gates stood in front of them, large and golden and sprawling, and a man in red and golden garb came to them, looking them over quickly. "Purpose?" he asked, eyes stern, but voice welcoming.

Hela affected a light voice, her posture shifting so slightly. "My sister and I are here for the library, sir. Mother said we might come, and 'tis open."

The man looked bemused. "The library's always open, though I'm not sure why you'd want to spend time poring over the books."

Hela rolled her eyes after they had successfully entered the gates and moved past him. "That's Bjornson. He's..." she gave a reminiscent half - smile, and then shook her head, starting to climb the marble steps that led up to the palace's open doors. They passed serene gardens, some occupied, others empty, all stunningly, otherworldly, and lush.

Finally, Hav asked the question. "You've been here before, obviously. Why are you no longer allowed?"

Hela twisted her hands in front of her, not looking back to meet Hav's eyes.

"I- the man we're going to visit - his name is Loki. If all goes well, he will not be able to see past my glamour. He _cannot_ know I am here, Lifling. He-" her voice stuttered to a halt and broke. "He would break. I cannot let that happen."

"Were you lovers?" asked Hav tentatively, as they continued up the last few stairs and into the golden halls of the main area of the palace.

Hela gave a laugh, but it sounded more like a broken sob. "Oh, no, no. Not at all. He's my father. Odin has forbidden us to see eachother, on account of..." she sighed. "He tears himself up for it, this I know. He cannot know. I simply wish to see him, after all this time. I am almost too scared. Promise me you will not tell him."

"I- I promise. This is the Wordsmith you spoke of, then?" replied Hav solemnly. "Who are you going to tell him you are?"

"Yes. And as his name suggests, he is well read - he'll perhaps be in the library - he always seems to be- and he's always willing to help those around him look for or understand anything." Hela smiled. "He was - is - a good father." She paused. "But enough of that." Her face closed off, becoming again the icy and stoic mask that it had been when Hav had first met her.

They were in the library in no time, and Hela ducked around corners until she found a particular set of shelves. She immediately pulled down a large book, and then ducked out of the aisle.

"Now, to find Loki." She remarked, her tone still stiff, cold, and alltogether unwelcoming.

Hav had forgotten, it seemed, in the last few hours, that Hela was the personification of Death itself, who killed thousands mercilessly, and who had the power to take everything away from anyone, and who had spent centuries in isolation, sitting on a throne where souls were broken over, and over, and over again. Death was not kind. This was Death. Hav reminded herself to not forget that again. She could be friendly with Hela, but Hela was Death itself.

Hela found a small table, set aways from the others, and placed the book on it.

"This is the book with the spell in it. I believe the page..." she trailed off, sitting down at the table and opening the book carefully. Her long, slender digits paged lightly through it, before her eyes alit with satisfaction.

"I've found it. Here it is." She spun the book around to face Hav, who stood by the other side of the table, watching Hela carefully.

The book was not in English, so Hav had no way to properly understand it, but it was well illustrated, diagramming hand movements attentively.

Hela spun the book back around, running her finger down the page and scanning the words.

"It's not a particularly complex spell, but it takes a good amount of seidr. However, I believe you have plenty of power on your own- unless you _want_ my help." She looked drily up at Hav, her eyes showing exactly what she thought of that. "You're plenty powerful enough. Here, I can take you to the spell casting room here in Asgard- it will be quicker than travelling back, and it is safer not to steal from an allseeing realm."

Hela looked up then, sudden and stiff, and her eyes were fixed directly beyond Hav's head.

Hav's brow furrowed, and she turned around, to see a slender, tall man with dark hair and green eyes perusing the shelves behind them. He did not look at them, but he was quite obviously aware of their presence.

He was gone as quickly as he appeared, and Hav turned around to see Hela's eyes cast down upon the book, her mouth a tight line. Eyes softening, Hav rounded the table to sit next to her. Yes, Hela was Death, but Hela was also a child, perhaps cursed to taking on this wretched and cursed existence as a young and scared child, who had not seen her father in who knows how long. Had been _banned_ from seeing her father, in fact. Hav simply sat next to her, letting the silence of the library float around them, the golden rays of light from the sun spilling through the large windows behind them and drifting onto their shoulders.

Hela sighed, the sound shaky. "His eyes look quite older." Then, she visibly pulled herself together. "Now, to take you to the spell casting room. Follow me, if you will. The spell, as I said, is quite simple- I do not believe we will be needing Loki's help, at all." She looked slightly relieved, but also regretful, and she stood up slowly, circling the table and starting at a brisk pace out of the library and down the main hall of the palace once more. Hav followed, wishing that she knew what to say, but she knew that nothing she could say would help, so she remained silent.

Hela led them out down the stairs to a small garden, which seemed to lead to a smaller, enclosed garden, surrounded by tall hedges. Instead of dirt flooring, this small garden had a marble floor, but it had a large symbol embedded in the middle, which shone and seemed to be made of pure gold.

"This is the Garden of Seidr - or, as it is otherwise called, the Spell Room. Anyone who performs seidr or harnesses it has spent some amount of time here, practicing spell work or simply relaxing in the natural seidr of Asgard. The rune in the middle-" she pointed to the symbol, "is a magnet, of sorts, for the natural energy of seidr, so spells done here will do especially well. The room is also highly warded- you can practice high level seidr without fear of destroying the realms." She gave a light half-smile. "Now, for our spell." She took Hav's hand. "Sit in the center of the rune, and focus clearly on your godfather. Speak the words that come naturally to you, as you focus directly on him, his location, and your desire to discover these things. I will speak the spell quickly - it does not actually involve me, but the spell needs to be spoken, and once you have started speaking, you cannot stop until the spell has finished. Is this clear?"

Hav nodded, swinging herself down onto the rune with an effortless grace.

"Very well. Now, close your eyes, Lifling."

Hav let her eyes flutter shut, and she focused on Sirius. The crook of his smile, his barking laughter, the determined set of his jaw, the glint of mischief in his eyes, and the warmth of his hug when he wrapped her up in his arms.

Hela watched her think for a moment, before raising her hands and quietly intoning the words, "lory brìgh Sirius." She let her hands fall to her sides, and watched as Hav continued to speak.

After a minute, Hav suddenly cut off, and her eyes flickered open. "Sirius." she breathed, and her eyes found Hela's in a moment. "I know where he is."

Hela looked seriously at Hav. "Is it possible to get to him, Lifling?"

Hav's brow crumpled. "I...yes. It is. I just- he's quite changed, Hela, and I can't quite recognize him." She shook her head, standing up quickly and coming over to stand next to Hela. "He is on Midgard."

Hela nodded. "We shall return at once, then." Her eyes were emotionless.

Hav started to nod, before she stopped. "Do you not want to see your father once more, perhaps?"

Hela started, her eyebrows raising. "No."

Hav did not speak for a moment, and when she did, her voice was longing and sad. "When I was a year old, Hela, a wizard who used their power for great evil broke into my mother and father's home and murdered them in cold blood. I can remember, you know. I can remember James Potter's scream of 'Lily, take Hetav, and RUN- run, run Lily- I'll hold him off-' and I can remember Lily Potter's broken pleas of 'Merlin, Merlin no, please not Heta, not Heta, take me instead- Merlin, you don't have to kill her, kill me, please just kill me, _please,'_." Hav stopped, her eyes distant. "And I never, ever got to know them. I've seen the memories that others have of them- my godfather, Sirius, would let me watch his memories when we had nothing to do- but I never got to talk to my mother, or make cookies with her, or even fight with her, for Merlin's sake. And- above all else- I wish, oh I _wish_ I could."

Hav's eyes glittered. "And to see you, with a father that you so adore, to have come so far, and to not speak to him- I'm sorry, Hela." she broke off, looking up at the sky to compose herself.

Hela was silent, but she turned around and exited the garden without another word, Hav following her.

"We're going back to Midgard, now." declared Hela, her voice falsely light. Hav sighed, but followed her. "Once we have reached Midgard, I am taking you to get a proper haircut- your hair is burnt on the ends, and very ragged- and also some new clothing. Then, we are going to find Sirius, and then, I am going to take you back to Asgard. Learning Asgardian magic will do you great good, and it will also be extremely beneficial for you when on Midgard. I will help you, of course, by explaining the books, but I will not come back to Asgard, myself. Too much of a danger."

Hav wished to speak but did not, instead watching the pain flicker across Hela's eyes before it was extinguished into cool indifference. They walked together from the library in silence.

 **a/n: review, pm, etc.**

 **\- you are all fantastic and I love hearing from you. As well as motivation, it also helps me see where I should head with the story - you really are invaluable in the writing process, though you may not feel it. I enjoy anything you have to say.**

 **hav is short for "** **hetav" which means "gives love."**

 **sirius is not tony, as interesting as that would be!**

 **there will be a pairing, but perhaps not for a while. :)**

 **hermione is dead, as implied in the first chapter. she was talking with Hav because of the resurrection stone.**

 **hav's bag isn't a magical carpet bag, but she did bring essentials in there. not any deus ex machina's, though. lol**

 **thanks so much guys!**


	4. Chapter 4

Hav knocked on the door of the apartment, her face showing none of the emotion that wrestled around in her gut. She glanced at the address on her hand once more, scrawled in blue pen, and then back up at the door, where the numbers '776' glinted at her. Hela had left her here, promising that she would come, should she be needed.

"Coming! Coming, coming- sorry, " came a soft female voice, and Hav's breath caught so suddenly in her throat, that she couldn't breath for a couple of seconds, her lungs burning. What if she had been wrong, what if-

There was the metallic 'click' of a latch being undone, and then the door opened, quite wide.

Hav's eyes alighted on the figures on the other side of the doorstep, and her heart stuttered to a stop. There was a hand around her intestines, clutching so tightly that she could hardly see, and all the sudden she was warm, and Sirius was here, and she was crying, and Sirius was breathing very heavily, and there were tears in his eyes, and he smelled like dog and cologne and leather and the odd wintery smell that she associated with the Black family magic.

"Sirius, ohmymerlinsirius," she gasped, wrapping her arms around him and clutching his leatherish jacket with a deathly grip, leather bunched up harshly in her hands. Her eyes were _burning stinging crying,_ and she couldn't see anything, she was blind with happiness, but it was sadness, and it was remorse and relief and something so much deeper than anything else, deeper than the word love, deeper than anything Hav wanted to explore, but it was the undercurrent of her whole body, sweeping around her. It was something like family and devotion and _ohmymerlin_ it was Sirius, and Hav couldn't breathe.

" _Hav._ You're- Hav." Sirius pleaded, pulling back to look at her with such desperate eyes, such pain, that Hav couldn't really - she wasn't really - coherent- and so instead, she just started sobbing, crumpling into her godfather and crying, and her heart felt so light it was heavy, and some ancient, golden happiness draped itself around her ribcage, and the moment seemed to glow more brilliant than a thousand sunlit afternoons.

When she released him from her deathly clutch, she swiped her hands over her eyes, and stared at him. Wrinkles creased his face, his eyes were heavy lidded, and his hair was a light grey, no longer the trademark black and brown of the young Black purebloods. Next to him stood a redhead with a professional skirt and blue blouse, but upon seeing them both embracing, she gestured to a doorway across the room and took her leave to a different part of the apartment. Hav could not bring herself to think upon it for longer than that moment, because-

"Sirius. Sirius- _I'm so sorry,_ " whispered Hav, "I'm _so sorry_."

Sirius looked lost, but to his credit, he ran shaking fingers through his hair and spoke, his voice gentle and fearful. "Sorry? Why are you-"

"I- it's my fault you're here- I shouldn't have gone to the Ministry, I shouldn't have- but I did, and- and it cost me _so much_ , it cost me- you-"

"Don't you dare, Heta. Don't you- Hetav Lily Potter-" Sirius shoved his hand through his hair again, and his eyes were wild. "I would do it a _million_ times over. I never regret doing anything to help you, so don't you dare apologize."

 _No, no, no no no, he doesn't understand-_

"I risked- your- _life!_ " Hav hissed, eyes glistening and old anger suddenly resurging, roaring to the surface with the view of Sirius old, weighed down- "I went into the Ministry, _not bothering to check,_ I went in unawares, and I was stupid- I didn't alert _anyone,_ I endangered my friends, and I hurt them- Merlin, Ron had _scars_ up and down his arms thanks to some of the strange concoctions in the Department of Mystery- and Hermione- Hermione- she sometimes had rib pains, but she never spoke of them, and they could all see thestrals, and it's-all-my-fault. Why- _Why are you brushing that away?_ I was thoughtless- I-"

"You were ready to sacrifice yourself for me." remarked Sirius. "But you're angry at yourself, when I am ready to do the same thing." He looked at her, searching her eyes. "What's happened? Why are you here? Merlin knows the last thing I'm doing is complaining about it; I'm thrilled- but why are you here? This is an alternate _universe_."

Hav bit her lip, averting her eyes, resisting the urge to just joke it off, pretend, and somehow, somehow, have the same relationship with her godfather that she had before she had endangered his life.

"It's- it's a long story."

"I have all the time in the world." responded Sirius, "I don't have anywhere to be. And if I did," he shrugged with one shoulder, "you're infinitely more important."

 _No I'm, no I'm, no I'm not, and you do not have all the time in the world, you-_

"Then, well," Hav shuddered, "I'm not sure where to start."

Sirius beckoned her all the way inside the apartment. "Come in, Hav. Here, I'll go make some coffee- how do you like yours?- and then you can start at the beginning." He looked at her a moment longer, then stepped over to the adjoining room, which looked to be a small kitchen.

Hav bit her lip again, her eyes stinging as she stepped into the room. She didn't want to relive those memories, she didn't, but Sirius was so- He was different than he had remembered him. He was _better_ than she had remembered him, in some ways. His dogged perseverance, his unconditional love, his determination, and his loyalty- Merlin, she hadn't even realized how much she had missed him, but there was something very peaceful in her heart, despite the roiling of her emotions. Something content. She hadn't felt so content in a long while. But underneath the pervasive relief and contentment was a guttening, gripping fear, the same one that stole Hermione and Ron and everyone she had ever, ever grown to know and love. Death followed her and she could not ever, ever stop it, and it stole – it stole everything from her -

She followed him into the apartment, and sat down on the small couch that lay sprawled diagonally in the middle of the room. Half-empty glasses of water placed in precarious positions on the furniture. A book lay open on a television stand, and a shirt lay puddled on the floor. It was small, but it was nice, and it seemed so – so Sirius-

Two muttering voices were heard from the other room, and Hav suddenly remembered the other occupant of this apartment whom she had seen earlier. Glancing towards the kitchen, she let her eyes linger on the doorframe, resisting the urge to run to him and never, ever let go - before turning back to the shelf by the couch. Two picture frames lay there, one fallen over, the glass cracked but gently mended with a piece of tape. She picked them both up, and examined the first.

The same redheaded woman in the kitchen with Sirius, with her long, loose curls, blue eyes, and a slim figure was grinning into the camera, her one arm supporting Sirius, who was smiling happily as his other hand rested on a huge stack of papers on a plain, metal looking desk. The walls behind them were a stark, sickly white, but both their smiles were dazzling and happy.

She shifted the frame and looked at the next picture, which held Sirius and – oh gods. Hav felt tears spark in her eyes as she realized that the picture was of him and the Marauders, arms slung across eachother with the same sort of careless and casual air Sirius carried with him all through school. Hav ran her fingers across Remus' face, across Sirius' face, and across the face of her father, letting the tips of her index finger linger before setting the photos down and looking at the room once more.

Now that she had seen the photos, the room seemed almost empty, like they supported the entire character of the room. A shelf underneath a mirror held a glass case of pill bottles in the corner, and the window was cracked open, contributing to good air circulation in the room.

Hav sighed, sitting down on the couch and waiting for a few minutes, before Sirius came into the room, balancing two cups of steaming coffee in one hand. He handed one to Hav, and then settled down next to her, looking cautious. After a moment, however, he seemed to embrace his inner Gryffindor, pulling her into his side, and relaxing as she only came closer. They were silent for a moment, the only sound in the room the sound of Hav blowing on the steam of her coffee. She took a sip after a moment, and her eyes looked very pained, before she gulped it down, her eyes watering.

"Merlin, Sirius, that coffee is-" she shuddered with revulsion, "foul." She hacked out a couple of coughs, before grinning at him.

Sirius laughed, his eyes bright. "Natalie says the same thing. Doesn't stop me from trying it, though." He grinned. "It's like my own, personal, initiation test." He rolled his eyes. "If you can't withstand my coffee, you can't withstand my presence."

Hav snorted. "How many people do you scare off?"

"A fair few." He acceded, trying not to smile and failing miserably. "God, I've missed you."

Hav's smile turned sad. "I've missed you too." She looked at him for a moment, then gestured to the kitchen. "That is Natalie, then?"

Sirius's smile dimmed some. "That's Natalie, alright. She's – well, she's a personal, I don't know, a personal assistant of sorts. You still are – Hav, you're so young – I- I've aged, since. Since, you know. Time has passed here." He paused, avoiding Hav's eyes, but knowing nonetheless what he could find there. "Don't give me that look, it _isn't your fault-_ when I first came here – when I first came here I became very, very sick. Still, really, am. I'm not – Universe travel has never been safe. Falling through a glorified curtain straight into a rip in space and time in another universe?" He cut off, looking at Hav warily. "I won't lie to you. The only thing – the only thing- keeping me here – is a lot of medication and Natalie – she makes sure I don't do anything, you know, that could..."

Hav felt anguish and rolling despair replace all the happiness she had thought was so pervasive earlier, letting silence fall around them. Fighting to not let the blackness and swimming of her vision and the tangible nausea overtake her, she struggled to speak.

"You fell through the veil. I don't remember exactly what happened after that- I followed Bellatrix," Sirius tensed, "I tried- I tried to make her feel my pain, I tried, but I couldn't, because I was too weak, and then Voldemort was there, and things were shattering everywhere, and then Fawkes took the killing curse and Dumbledore tried to ward off Voldemort. Voldemort tried to possess me, but he failed, and then Dumbledore took me back to the palace, and I can't- there's a prophecy, he said, there's a prophecy that says that you have to kill the Dark Lord." Hav's eyes were empty, tone dull. "And so I did. It took the next two years, and Dumbledore was killed, and Snape died trying to protect me, and then." her eyes fluttered up to Sirius's, before looking at her lap again. "Then, I went into the forest, and I died." She paused, her brow furrowing.

"I can't remember what happened clearly, but I was thrown into this white, white mist, and this woman - she was made of shadows, and her grin was something monstrous- she cackled, and touched my shoulder... she said a spell, and she introduced herself as Death. 'I am Death, you are the Master of Eternal Slumber, and I have given you my gift. May it be hidden deep inside your soul until you find the desperate need to unravel it and let it loose around you.' Those words are the only ones I can remember clearly- but then she placed an object in my hand and somehow _pushed,_ and I was suddenly in a white room with Dumbledore."

The story spilled out of her, but somehow her voice was distant and cold, almost apathetic to the horror that she had experienced. It was as if she was reading out of a particularly uninteresting history textbook. She couldn't focus on what Sirius had said for this one, brief moment, one – she didn't care that maybe there was a Muggle in the other room, listening in – she couldn't think, could barely breathe-

"Once Voldemort was dead, we were left to mourn." Hav described. "And the mourning period came and went. And Hermione and Ron got married, and they had children. And we grew rather distant." She paused. "And then there was the war with the muggles."

"Wait, what?" interrupted Sirius, looking utterly confused. "What?"

Hav glanced at him, then averted her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Ron. And Hermione. They had kids? Merlin, how old were they?"

Hav's brow furrowed. "I'm not sure, off the top of my head. Twenties, I'm pretty sure?" Suddenly she seemed to see what Sirius was saying, and her eyes shuttered. "Oh. Yes."

"I...what? You're-"

"The reason I don't look a day over twenty, is because I'm, well, physically...not."

Sirius breathed out, slumping backwards. "You're the Master of Death - and that's the price." he breathed.

Hav averted her eyes again. "I- I." She paused, and the tears wouldn't be held back anymore. Seeing this, reliving the seconds of watching his body flutter through the veil, seeing his hair whitened and old and the passing of time stealing everything from her- again – "I – yes." Her hand spasmed in barely controlled anguish, and the coffee mug cradled listlessly in her hand crashed to the floor and shattered. Natalie appeared around the corner with surprising speed, her hands tucking a phone into her pocket as she ran into the room, eyes full of concern.

"Hav, Hav- Hav, listen to me-"

Natalie's voice was cool and caring as she reached the couch where they both sat. "Sirius, it looks she's having a panic attack, she'll be fine, but she needs to ride it through – every noise is overwhelming. It looks like she's letting you hold her hand, but stop – stop talking-"

Minutes, or hours, or decades later, Hav felt the room return around her, her breathing heavy and choking and teary and –

"Hav. Hav." Came Sirius's voice, cautious and careful. He ran his fingers through her hair quietly, and his voice was infinitely gentle.

"I'm sorry." Hav quavered, her voice quiet. She noted the concerned face of Natalie looking down at her next to Sirius.

"No – no, don't be sorry-" Natalie spoke softly, rounding the couch and settling down next to her. "I've seen many panic attacks. Don't ever feel sorry for them. Are you – are you alright?"

Hav bit her lip. "I'm… yes. I'm fine. I –" she stared at the shattered glass on the floor, which Natalie had avoided with a graceful ease. She met Sirius's eyes, the room swimming in and out of focus around her. "I think- I think I need to- I just wanted to be Hetav."

Everything went dark.

* * *

 _Ready_

 _The sound of someone screaming, the sound of someone screaming, the sound of someone screaming. A wrenched, guttural, and desperate scream._

 _Aim._

 _The sound of a gun being loaded, and the safety being expertly turned off._

 _Fire._

 _The sound was mute, although it should have been loud. Or was it loud? Hav couldn't hear anything over the blood suddenly rushing to her head._

 _Fire._

 _Soft hands curling around hers, a grin turned into her neck, calloused fingers trailing over the edge of a face. Whispers of I love you and it wasn't your fault and I'll see you someday if I'm lucky._

She shot up in on the couch, sheets falling down to her waist, and slung her legs over the side, before she walked over to a window, breath heaving as she tried to remember who she was. Where she was. What she –

She was in Sirius' apartment, on the couch. Natalie lay on the floor, curled in blankets, her red hair flittering around her face in the breeze through the open window. New York. The distant glow of city lights illuminated the room in a half haze, slanting through the blinds and onto the couch around her. Natalie's breathing pattern shifted ever so slighly – she was awake, though she had not moved, and Hav let her gaze trail to the redhead as the memory of everything that had happened before she had passed out overtook her.

She hadn't expected this. She hadn't expected Sirius to find out. But the mutt had, and now he knew exactly what sort of cursed - cursed - _monster_ \- she was. She would live until the last star burned out, and everyone - and everything - would wilt or be cut down around her.

It was sick. She had spent her whole time at Hogwarts trying to extend lives, and now hers was extended - forever. And here Sirius was, and here she was – something she had longed for for so, so long – and somehow, she had forgotten – ( _stupid, stupid)_ \- that time could have passed here. And now he was white hair and laugh lines and –

It was a sick, sick joke, really, extreme karmic retribution. Her chin trembled, and she slammed her fist into the blanket pooled around her lap.

She had come here to find Sirius, and she had, and even though her heart sung with the feeling of 'I'm not alone anymore-' there was also the feeling she hadn't expected. The feeling of helplessness, as she realized that nothing, nothing, could save him from being whisked away from her in a heartbeat. The sands of time would trickle in between his fingers, while she stood outside of the hourglass, looking in at all of humanity while they struggled with one thing - mortality. Wars would come, and fade, love would appear and fall away, but their mortality remained a constant, just as it always had been.

"Damn it all." she whispered to the night. "Merlin damn it all."

* * *

Sirius stumbled into the kitchen, eyes bleary, and watched as Hav pulled the pot off the stove, flipped the pancakes, and slipped a dash of salt into the eggs, all at once. Seconds later, she was at his china cabinet, pulling out a few plates, before heaping eggs and pancakes onto them, setting them down at the table. She poured a generous helping of coffee into the mugs before setting them above the plates, and then pulled two forks out of an open door, before closing it with relish. Sirius collapsed into the chair at the table, digging his palms into his eye sockets, before surveying the food in front of him. He looked confused for a moment before his eyes found hers, and relief and joy warred to a forefront. "You're alright. Merlin, you gave me a scare- Natalie kept her cool, like always – you're-"

"I'm fine, Sirius, I promise." Hav said, curling her fingers on top of his. He searched her eyes for a moment, but whether or not he found what he was looking for or not, Hav tore her eyes away and then gestured to the food on the table.

"Merlin bless you, pup. Merlin bless." He muttered worshipfully, before jamming a forkful of eggs into his mouth.

Hav rolled her eyes, before pulling out a second chair and sitting across from him. She was silent for a moment, watching him shovel down his food with an amused glint in her eyes, before setting down her coffee, which she had been clasping in an iron grip.

"Er- about yesterday -" she trailed off.

Sirius met her eyes, setting down his fork, and looking her dead in the eyes.

"I figured that - well - I had nothing left there, after a...er.. while..." she shuddered, her hands shooting back out for the scalding coffee mug, as if it were her only lifeline.

"A while." Sirius said, his eyes disbelieving. "You basically - you told me that you were stuck at twenty - I don't know if that makes you age slower, or if that makes you some sort of - sort of deity, or something, but tell me, pup, how long - how long is a while?"

"I'm _not_ a deity." whispered Hav, her eyes full of some sort of ancient sadness. "I'm Hav."

Sirius slumped. "You're immortal, then."

"No." replied Hav, studying her fingers intently. "Not immortal. I just live until everything else...doesn't. Then there is nothing else, and so... there isn't anything to be the master of. I'll just...fade... I suppose. It's an awfully lonely existence, this." She smiled, but it didn't reach past the quirk of her lips. "I know that everything will be gone, before I am."

" _Pup."_ Sirius choked. "I love you."

Hav stood up very quickly, rounding the table to hug him, her arms shaking.

"I will be here for you - for as long as I'm able. And whatever you decide to do in – I'll be – whatever you decide to do in your future, know that there's someone who's so, so proud of you."

Hav's breath caught a little. "You – I love you. I- I'm so scared, Sirius. Staying in the other- I was so alone. And now you're here, and you're – you're fantastic, you always are – but I'm- you're older, and I forgot time could have passed, and I'm so scared of – "

 _I'm so scared of losing you._

Sirius' arms tightened, but he said nothing for a long moment. Both of them were aware that nothing he was able to say could compare to –

"How many. Hav, how many years did you spend there before you left?"

Hav didn't reply, instead looking through the kitchen doorframe and onto the still slumbering form of Natalie by the sofa, one hand visible between layers of soft blankets.

"Two hundred and twenty." She murmured.

Her godfather made a half-aborted saddened noise before she felt his chin rest on top of her head.

"Two hundred and twenty – Hav-"

Hav let her fingers catch in his, and lifted her eyes to meet his eyes. "You can't change it. You can't change this and by Merlin, I wish- I wish I could, but I can't – I'm cursed to just watch the stars fade out and fall away from the sky and –"

Time would continue, golden and steady and unchanging, and across its sandy shores the waves of life and death would pull at everyone she'd ever learn to love.

"I'm glad I found you." Hav finally whispered. "I'm not strong enough to do this alone."

Sirius was silent still. There was nothing he could say to her, no reassurances that he could stay with her until the end of time – because he couldn't. Instead, he dropped a kiss to the top of her head, his eyes closing as he felt Hav's breathing even out by his shoulder.

 **a/n: for anyone confused about why this story is updating, i'm editing the storyline so I can pick up the plot better. Some of y'all reviewed telling me the plotline was hard to follow, so I've changed parts of it to fit better.** **J**


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